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The 2026 draft order is out

First season with FAAB waivers. New system, real consequences — read the FAAB guide before week 1
2026 All editions ›

Pre-Season Special · Thursday 20 August 2026

Mals Pals first, Kempsey last, destiny eleventh

Randomiser run, order locked. Mals Pals lands the first pick, Kempsey gets the twelfth, the wooden spooner inherits the most famous draft slot in league history — and the dues deadline moves to draft night.

From the Commissioner's Desk

The randomiser has done its work and the 2026 draft order is official. Twelve clubs now know exactly where they'll be sitting on Friday 4 September at 10:15am (Sydney time, countdown ticking below) — fifteen rounds, snake format, quarterbacks flying early because it's superflex and nobody wants to spend October starting a backup. One housekeeping note: the dues deadline has been extended to draft night — square up before the first pick and we never speak of it again.

The order in full, with the Gazette's first impressions:

  1. Mals Pals — the self-declared unluckiest club in the league finally wins a draw that matters. Scenes of celebration reported as far away as Venezuela.
  2. Push Tush for Reggie Bush — second pick for the quiet achievers. The planning continues.
  3. Rashee's Ricests — a genuine cornerstone lands on the rebuild. Year two of the two-year plan suddenly has a pulse.
  4. They Hit The 2nd Bower — fourth, and no excuses left at the top of the board.
  5. MaHomie N Herbie — dead centre for the league's great middle class. Fitting.
  6. tim7w — now knows where it picks before it knows what it's called.
  7. Rome wasnt builtin Odunze — seventh, with first crack at whoever slides.
  8. JackinGoff — the champs pick eighth and will describe it as 'all part of it'.
  9. Myles Away From Happiness — ninth. Happiness remains several picks away.
  10. Surtainly Autistic — tenth, with a quick second bite on the way back.
  11. Deep Balls and Grimace — the reigning wooden spooners draw slot eleven, home of pick 7.11. Full destiny briefing below.
  12. Kempsey Cum and fuck mes — 2,175 points last season; picks last. Back-to-back selections at every turn and a brand-new grievance to run on.

And now the poetry. In a snake draft, slot eleven makes the eleventh pick of every odd round — which means Deep Balls and Grimace owns pick 7.11. The wooden spooner has inherited the exact slot this league is named after — the one where Tim once really drafted Justin Tucker. The nameless one watches his old seat pass to the spooner; the Gazette does not make the rules of destiny, it merely reports them. All eyes on the seventh round.

Set your alarms. The Gazette will be at the draft with a fresh ribbon in the typewriter, because somebody has to write down who panics first.

The draft

When

Friday 4 September at 10:15 am

Sydney time — set two alarms

Format

Snake · 15 rounds

12 clubs, no trade-backs, no crying

Kicker policy

Pick 7.11 is retired

Hung in the rafters, in memoriam

The hot list

The Gazette draft desk's top five prospects

  1. Ja'Marr Chase WR — Cincinnati
    Consensus first overall. If he slides past pick two, the Gazette will publish the transcript of the phone call and name names.
  2. Bijan Robinson RB — Atlanta
    Runs like a man who has read your defensive scheme and found it lacking. Top-two lock, no notes.
  3. Josh Allen QB — Buffalo
    It's superflex. He's the reason someone takes a quarterback inside the first five picks and stares you down while doing it.
  4. Jahmyr Gibbs RB — Detroit
    Fast in a way that ruins other people's Mondays. Will be gone before the first beer is finished.
  5. Justin Tucker K — no current club
    The people's pick 7.11. Currently unattached, which the draft desk rates as 'a buying opportunity'. This league literally bears his name because Tim drafted him there — and word from the sheds is Tim has his eye on him again. No name for the club, but the sequel is in development. History doesn't repeat, Tim, but it rhymes.
2026 All editions ›