The competition

Team rankings

Ordered by the Gazette's position grades, averaged. Tap through for the full profile.

• 1 Kempsey Cum and fuck mes › avg —
  QB — RB — WR — TE — K — DEF —
• 2 JackinGoff › avg —
  QB — RB — WR — TE — K — DEF —
• 3 Push Tush for Reggie Bush › avg —
  QB — RB — WR — TE — K — DEF —
• 4 Team tim7w › avg —
  QB — RB — WR — TE — K — DEF —
• 5 MMyles Away From Happiness › avg —
  QB — RB — WR — TE — K — DEF —
• 6 MaHomie N Herbie › avg —
  QB — RB — WR — TE — K — DEF —
• 7 Mals Pals › avg —
  QB — RB — WR — TE — K — DEF —
• 8 Surtainly Autistic › avg —
  QB — RB — WR — TE — K — DEF —
• 9 Rashee’s Ricests › avg —
  QB — RB — WR — TE — K — DEF —
• 10 Rome wasnt builtin Odunze › avg —
  QB — RB — WR — TE — K — DEF —
• 11 They Hit The 2nd Bower › avg —
  QB — RB — WR — TE — K — DEF —
• 12 Deep Balls and Grimace › avg —
  QB — RB — WR — TE — K — DEF —

The Gazette's Power Rankings

Pre-Season Special · entirely objective; no correspondence will be entered into

1. JackinGoff — Reigning champion. The title hangs in the virtual pool room and eleven clubs are aiming at it.
2. Kempsey Cum and fuck mes — 2,175 points last season and nothing to show for it but a grudge. The most dangerous kind of motivated.
3. Team tim7w — 10-4 last year and still anonymous. Name the team, Tim. This is a formal request.
4. Push Tush for Reggie Bush — 9-5 and quietly excellent. The Gazette suspects actual planning may be involved.
5. MaHomie N Herbie — Broke even at 7-7, which in this league counts as consistency.
6. Myles Away From Happiness — New name, same emotional baggage. Happiness reportedly still several miles away.
7. Surtainly Autistic — 6-8 but showed late-season signs of life. Cautious optimism, heavy on the caution.
8. Mals Pals — Scored plenty, won little. The unluckiest 5-9 side in recorded history, per its own manager.
9. Rashee’s Ricests — 5-9 and rebuilding, allegedly. Year two of the two-year plan, year unknown of the actual plan.
10. They Hit The 2nd Bower — 4-10 last season. The second Bower was hit; the playoffs were not.
11. Rome wasnt builtin Odunze — Rebranded from amphibian to empire. Rome wasn't built in a day; neither was this roster.
12. Deep Balls and Grimace — Wooden spooner. It's a long way to the top if you wanna finish twelfth again.